Is open marriage advisable?
All my friends cohabit with their mate. They claim that premarital sex is necessary to find out if they can adjust to each other. I would like to support my disagreement with sound theories, but I don't know how. What do you think?
I appreciate your loyalty to the Lord and your sense of duty. Contrary to many, you do not take the wide road that leads to erroneous conduct... Christ has cautioned us against that (Mt 7: 13).
I have met with hundreds of couples and this question is often brought up. Cohabiting couples spoke readily. They were intent on justifying their choice. Others, who were living in chastity, frequently kept silent. Some wondered whether they were not old-fashioned. Finally, some others were young apostles who had quickly made the Christian choice and did not hesitate to defend it openly.
I took part in the discussions. At times, I interrupted to speak for the shy who did not utter a word, but dared nevertheless to go against the trend of a pagan world.
I remember one young girl who had decided to test her possibility for happiness through open marriage. Her mate was present and she said before all of us: "I'm not the first girl in your life. What assures me that, in a year or two, you won't dump me for a better looking one?" Her companion made no attempt at replying.
On another occasion, two young people, who had been married for a few years, were sitting near me. A young man, trying to justify living with his girl friend, was saying: "If our union does not give us a child, that will prove we are not made for each other and we will break up." "Then", retorted the married couple, "on such conditions, we would not be married now, yet we are very happy, even though we had to wait many years for a child!"
What does one try to prove with sexual intercourse before marriage? That he or she is able to perform the sexual act? A medical examination would suffice for that! The possibility for two given people to live a life of true love? But, true love is love that develops through the whole life and is much more than the passion and romance at the beginning.
No, as Christians, we cannot agree with trial love, free love, premarital sex or open marriage. That is against God's plan!
Who is the god of my life? The God of Jesus or my own self?
We believe in marriage, in monogamous and unbreakable love for life. It is the Creator's will; it is Christ's doctrine (Mt 19: 1-9).
The Church insists on proper preparation for marriage. Those who plan to get married should consult a priest many months beforehand and truly prepare themselves with mutual respect and chastity.
Of course, a certain degree of maturity is necessary to understand this, and it takes self-control and self-denial to vow complete mutual trust through Christian love and unfailing loyalty.
As for the gift of one's body, it must be the expression of the total and permanent gift of one's whole self. Otherwise, married life is adulterated from the start.
Young men, young women, who are reading these lines and are preparing for marriage, do stay loyal to the Lord! In a materialistic world, do not forget the spiritual dimension of your life. Practice chastity before marriage. "Purity is required by love", said John Paul II. Stay in control of your passions, faithful to prayer and the sacraments, the Eucharist above all. You will not be sorry!
The Christian directives on love do not smother it. They help it sprout and grow into a staunch Christian love. They generate lasting happiness.
Index of section